Good morning from Minot, North Dakota.
If you're a fan of Mutually Assured Destruction, you know it for Minot Air Force Base, home of the 91st Missile Wing of the USAF, which is charged with keeping the world in the crosshairs of our Minutemen III ICBMs.
But if you're a petrochemical enthusiast, you know it as the great metropolis of the Bakken Oil Shale, which has only recently begun yielding oil and natural gas thanks to the wonders of hydrofracking.
It's the second reason that brought me here. Sort of.
The oil boom in Western North Dakota has put a strain on the region's infrastructure in every regard. My purpose here is to take a look at investments in housing for the booming population to see if they make sense for me; a slick talking Easterner who can't slick talk his way around the high prices and weak returns of the Northeastern real estate markets.
So far it looks promising. Conservative estimates suggest at least 30 years of hydrocarbon extraction, and the short construction season makes it hard to saturate the demand-heavy housing market in a timely way. As developers build cheap, fast, and low-density, housing prices should remain high (comparable to Manhattan for renters!) for the forseeable future.
My first impressions are mostly pleasant. I thought I was coming to the asshole of the world. I read Son of the Morning Star, and I was expecting horseflies the size of my fist, dust-storms, and suffocating heat. In the words of the USAF fact sheet, "Yes, it can get cold in the winter, but it also gets very warm during the summer." I've lucked out though. The forecast for my trip is sunny and 80 degrees.
Having lived in the Midwest, this place seems like Illinois, but more so. It's flatter, the people are nicer, and the service is slower, as I learned trying to get a cab from the airport.
The main street of Minot is Broadway. Driving it end to end tells you most of what you need to know about the people of this city:
1. Their favorite pastime is Lutheranism.
2. The principle form of nightlife is the Lounge Casino (more on that in a bit).
3. Minot is known as the Magic City.
4. Most fast food places are open 24 hours.
Last night, I acquainted myself with the lounge casino concept by completing the Dirty Old Man Triple Crown:
1. I went bowling alone, and rolled a 74!.
2. Hung out alone in an bar, where even the bartenders won't talk to me. It's owned by a Yankees fan. Being from Minot, he could go with any MLB team he wanted. He choose the one with the most tacky framed merchandise.
3. I played $1 blackjack, sponsored by the Minot Junior Golf Association. The chips feature a cartoon mouse holding a flag that says 'Wee Links.' The dealers wear a shirt with the same emblem.
... all at the same establishment.
In future installments, you'll hear all about my adventures in the Upper Plains, such as: tackling the Faulkneresque social structures of rural North Dakota, saving Dacotah culture, winning back my dollar blackjack losses, and reviewing the best Buffalo Steaks in Ward County.
It's all here in the Psychoeuphorology Today Wild West Road Show!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
I Should Have Gone into Tech, and Other Observations on the Tumblr Buyout
One of this summer's biggest business news items is Yahoo's recent $1 billion buyout of Tumblr. In theory, the rationale is sound. Yahoo needs to shed it's image as a doddering relic of the Clinton Administration, and Tumblr is going broke. Still $1 billion is steep, especially considering that 3/4 of that is being accounted for as "goodwill."
The Tumblr brand has value, but... really... $750 million for a few missing vowels?
Sounds like Web 1.0 all over again.
What I mean is that change is provoking older companies to react out of fear.
My favorite example from the Pets.com era was a company called Razorfish. It was founded by Craig Kanarick and Jeff Dachis in 1995, as a web-development services company based in Manhattan. They built solid websites, but so did lots of companies, even then.
The real secret to Razorfish lay in its swaggering corporate culture. Kanarick and Dachis were classic arrogant hipsters. Their condescending manner towards clients was legendary, as was Dachis' mastery of empty buzzwords.
They didn't build websites, they asked you to recontextualize your business.
And in the glory years, there were plenty of clients who wanted to recontextualize. In times of change, overpriced "experts" make hay. Executives who feared and misunderstood the internet could pick up a phone, write a check, and be talked down to by a 26 year-old with blue hair. Nothing could be more reassuring.
Razorfish still exists, but it's a shell of its former self, and the founders moved on over a decade ago.
At its height, it was an overvalued company which profited off fear, rather than what it really brought to the table.
In 2013, Yahoo is behaving like a Razorfish client. The Tumblr deal reflects an old company panicking in order to keep up with competitors. It's a deal in line with the strategy the company has pursed since hiring 38 year-old former Google executive Marissa Mayer as its CEO. To her credit, Mayer has done what she was brought in to do: Make Yahoo.com function more like Google.
But casting yourself as a cheap imitation of a competitor is a tough way to get ahead. Tumblr is a sensible addition to Yahoo's portfolio of services, but paying $1 billion for a company whose value is mostly ephemeral is absurd. Given her experience, Mayer should have known better than to make a classic Web 1.0 mistake.
The Tumblr brand has value, but... really... $750 million for a few missing vowels?
Sounds like Web 1.0 all over again.
What I mean is that change is provoking older companies to react out of fear.
My favorite example from the Pets.com era was a company called Razorfish. It was founded by Craig Kanarick and Jeff Dachis in 1995, as a web-development services company based in Manhattan. They built solid websites, but so did lots of companies, even then.
The real secret to Razorfish lay in its swaggering corporate culture. Kanarick and Dachis were classic arrogant hipsters. Their condescending manner towards clients was legendary, as was Dachis' mastery of empty buzzwords.
They didn't build websites, they asked you to recontextualize your business.
And in the glory years, there were plenty of clients who wanted to recontextualize. In times of change, overpriced "experts" make hay. Executives who feared and misunderstood the internet could pick up a phone, write a check, and be talked down to by a 26 year-old with blue hair. Nothing could be more reassuring.
Razorfish still exists, but it's a shell of its former self, and the founders moved on over a decade ago.
At its height, it was an overvalued company which profited off fear, rather than what it really brought to the table.
In 2013, Yahoo is behaving like a Razorfish client. The Tumblr deal reflects an old company panicking in order to keep up with competitors. It's a deal in line with the strategy the company has pursed since hiring 38 year-old former Google executive Marissa Mayer as its CEO. To her credit, Mayer has done what she was brought in to do: Make Yahoo.com function more like Google.
But casting yourself as a cheap imitation of a competitor is a tough way to get ahead. Tumblr is a sensible addition to Yahoo's portfolio of services, but paying $1 billion for a company whose value is mostly ephemeral is absurd. Given her experience, Mayer should have known better than to make a classic Web 1.0 mistake.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular
Those of you who caught my Six-Pack of Thoughts on Orange is the New Black are familiar with my apocalyptic hypothesis in which all intellectual properties will be conformed to the cultural geometry of the beer industry. If you missed it, you can catch up here.
On reflection, I realize this notion was frivolous and absurd. Liquor brands will also be fighting for cultural dominance. To make up for this oversight, here is a Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular, brought to you by (Your Brand Here!).
A Word to Be Dropped: Genius
Like the typewriter, the magazine, and the live action game of solitaire, the word 'genius' has been run over by digital millennium and left for dead.
Once defined as "A person with transcendent mental superiority" (Merriam-Webster), the word has become overused to the point of meaningless. Here are few types of people who qualify under the current standards of genius:
- Two-bit computer hackers (e.g. your Nigerian princes)
- Unsuccessful singer-songwriters
- Anyone who gives a TED Talk, no matter how self-indulgent and inane
- Guys who make small-batch pickles
- Any Supreme Court nominee you happen to agree with on hot-button issues
I think it's time to acknowledge that the term is debased. There are still people of transcendent mental superiority, but their work mostly happens outside of public consciousness. How then are we to refer to those who solve the Hodge Conjecture, write the Great American Novel in 80,000 words or less, or fix Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics? The answer must wait for another Double Shot.
A Word to Be Added: Ridiculize
This one was invented by a French friend of mine. Unsatisfied with the current function and aesthetics of our vocabulary, she has set about introducing new words to bring it up to code. Not since William the Conqueror has a Gallic invader had such impact on the English language.
'Ridiculize' has been one of her most popular reforms. It's a transitive verb, often used reflexively and means, "to render absurd, irrelevant, or insignificant."
Here's a passage designed to give you all a feel for the word.
Even after new revelations of sexual misconduct have further ridiculized him, Anthony Weiner remains in the New York Mayoral Race. On first glance, his campaign seems little more than a ridiculized sideshow. However, even after this latest sexting scandal, he is still in fourth-place heading into the Democratic primary.
The latest polls show him only 11% behind Christine Quinn, who commands about 1/4 of the party's support. Quinn's track record of empty histrionics and blatant pandering have ridiculized her such that the race is wide open.
Since the time of Stuyvesant, New Yorkers have preferred blustering autocrats as their chief executive. Though his imperious personality and 80's movie villain looks may ridiculize him in other municipalities, New Yorkers still love the Big Weiner.
Ah... le mot juste!
On reflection, I realize this notion was frivolous and absurd. Liquor brands will also be fighting for cultural dominance. To make up for this oversight, here is a Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular, brought to you by (Your Brand Here!).
A Word to Be Dropped: Genius
Like the typewriter, the magazine, and the live action game of solitaire, the word 'genius' has been run over by digital millennium and left for dead.
Once defined as "A person with transcendent mental superiority" (Merriam-Webster), the word has become overused to the point of meaningless. Here are few types of people who qualify under the current standards of genius:
- Two-bit computer hackers (e.g. your Nigerian princes)
- Unsuccessful singer-songwriters
- Anyone who gives a TED Talk, no matter how self-indulgent and inane
- Guys who make small-batch pickles
- Any Supreme Court nominee you happen to agree with on hot-button issues
I think it's time to acknowledge that the term is debased. There are still people of transcendent mental superiority, but their work mostly happens outside of public consciousness. How then are we to refer to those who solve the Hodge Conjecture, write the Great American Novel in 80,000 words or less, or fix Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics? The answer must wait for another Double Shot.
A Word to Be Added: Ridiculize
This one was invented by a French friend of mine. Unsatisfied with the current function and aesthetics of our vocabulary, she has set about introducing new words to bring it up to code. Not since William the Conqueror has a Gallic invader had such impact on the English language.
'Ridiculize' has been one of her most popular reforms. It's a transitive verb, often used reflexively and means, "to render absurd, irrelevant, or insignificant."
Here's a passage designed to give you all a feel for the word.
Even after new revelations of sexual misconduct have further ridiculized him, Anthony Weiner remains in the New York Mayoral Race. On first glance, his campaign seems little more than a ridiculized sideshow. However, even after this latest sexting scandal, he is still in fourth-place heading into the Democratic primary.
The latest polls show him only 11% behind Christine Quinn, who commands about 1/4 of the party's support. Quinn's track record of empty histrionics and blatant pandering have ridiculized her such that the race is wide open.
Since the time of Stuyvesant, New Yorkers have preferred blustering autocrats as their chief executive. Though his imperious personality and 80's movie villain looks may ridiculize him in other municipalities, New Yorkers still love the Big Weiner.
Ah... le mot juste!
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