A Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular

Those of you who caught my Six-Pack of Thoughts on Orange is the New Black are familiar with my apocalyptic hypothesis in which all intellectual properties will be conformed to the cultural geometry of the beer industry. If you missed it, you can catch up here.

On reflection, I realize this notion was frivolous and absurd. Liquor brands will also be fighting for cultural dominance. To make up for this oversight, here is a Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular, brought to you by (Your Brand Here!).

A Word to Be Dropped: Genius

Like the typewriter, the magazine, and the live action game of solitaire, the word 'genius' has been run over by digital millennium and left for dead.

Once defined as "A person with transcendent mental superiority" (Merriam-Webster), the word has become overused to the point of meaningless. Here are few types of people who qualify under the current standards of genius:

- Two-bit computer hackers (e.g. your Nigerian princes)
- Unsuccessful singer-songwriters
- Anyone who gives a TED Talk, no matter how self-indulgent and inane
- Guys who make small-batch pickles
- Any Supreme Court nominee you happen to agree with on hot-button issues

I think it's time to acknowledge that the term is debased. There are still people of transcendent mental superiority, but their work mostly happens outside of public consciousness. How then are we to refer to those who solve the Hodge Conjecture, write the Great American Novel in 80,000 words or less, or fix Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics? The answer must wait for another Double Shot.

A Word to Be Added: Ridiculize

This one was invented by a French friend of mine. Unsatisfied with the current function and aesthetics of our vocabulary, she has set about introducing new words to bring it up to code. Not since William the Conqueror has a Gallic invader had such impact on the English language.

'Ridiculize' has been one of her most popular reforms. It's a transitive verb, often used reflexively and means, "to render absurd, irrelevant, or insignificant."

Here's a passage designed to give you all a feel for the word.

Even after new revelations of sexual misconduct have further ridiculized him, Anthony Weiner remains in the New York Mayoral Race. On first glance, his campaign seems little more than a ridiculized sideshow. However, even after this latest sexting scandal, he is still in fourth-place heading into the Democratic primary.

 The latest polls show him only 11% behind Christine Quinn, who commands about 1/4 of the party's support. Quinn's track record of empty histrionics and blatant pandering have ridiculized her such that the race is wide open. 

Since the time of Stuyvesant, New Yorkers have preferred blustering autocrats as their chief executive. Though his imperious personality and 80's movie villain looks may ridiculize him in other municipalities, New Yorkers still love the Big Weiner. 

Ah... le mot juste!