OK, Fine, You Twisted My Arm... Let's Talk About March Madness

The purpose of this space is for me to write about whatever is on my mind. I think about a lot of stuff, and reflect that in my choice of topics.

However, this blog is powered by Blogger, which means that Google spies on you, my readers, and tells me what you really think.

According to traffic patterns, you like posts about sports and TV. Who am I to ignore what really matters to you?

With the Sweet 16 approaching, here is...

A Six-Pack of Thoughts on the NCAA Basketball Tournament So Far (By the way, I'm still looking for a beer sponsor.)

1. Is it clear that Jim Boeheim is a second-rate basketball coach?

He has reached 900 wins beating up on the small liberal arts schools and Directional-States of the Northeast, while rarely hanging with quality opposition.

Yes, every big program pads is schedule, and yes, he has won 5 Big East Tournaments and a National Championship in 2003.

However, this year's loss to 11th seeded Dayton is yet another in a history of ugly tournament defeats for the perennially "loaded" Orange.

Even more damning is the record of his players in the NBA. Carmelo Anthony stands as the only unequivocal success to emerge from a Boeheim coached team. In the last few years alone, players like Jonny Flynn, Wesley Johnson, and Fab Melo have reinforced the preconception of Syracuse as a school which takes in talented players and leaves them unprepared for the big time.

Even promising young professionals like Dion Waiters and Michael Carter-Williams are marked by the bad defensive habits they learned in upstate New York.

Boeheim's 2-3 zone may spare his players from working hard on defense, but good teams rip it apart. It's a lazy strategy that gives players a bad foundation to build on. There's a reason no one else uses it.

Boeheim is a good recruiter, and upsets happen, but in his tenure, he has more tournament loses to double digit seeds (6), than Syracuse has Final Four appearances (5) in its entire history.


2. God Bless Mercer.

I have no idea where Mercer is. I not sure if it's an accredited school. I'm not going to look either of those things up, because I've gotten this far in life being ignorant of Mercer, and I'm not changing now.

However, they beat Duke, which for some reason is a National Priority every year. In general, success breeds resentment, but America's feelings for the Blue Devils make the Yankees or Lakers seem likeable.

If you subscribe to the theory that sports are a subconscious surrogate for war, then Mercer's upset over Duke is equivalent to re-assassinating Osama bin Laden. We are that united in our desire to see Coach K's squad go down.

I'm not sure why we hate Duke so much, especially while John Calipari is still active. Nonetheless, God Bless Mercer.


3. While we're on the subject of Basketball Hate; I hate these teams:

Florida: The University of Florida is a third-rate diploma mill with nothing to stand on besides it's basketball and football teams. I wouldn't make snap judgements about a graduate of large public school like Michigan State or Indiana. If someone confessed to being a Florida Gator, I would question their intelligence and credentials.   

Arizona: Like Florida, but more so.

Lousville: I hate Rick Pitino more than the school. Everything about his bearing and personality reminds me of a sleazy used car salesmen (or, as they're known in college basketball: Top Recruiters). Furthermore, he is not forgiven for his embarrassing stint as Head Coach of my Boston Celtics.


4. These are the teams I'm pulling for.

Harvard: The Crimson were eliminated in the Round of 32 by Michigan State, but seeing an academically rigorous school make some tournament noise is always nice (unless it's Duke).

Stanford: Also an academically rigorous school, though one with a deeper commitment to athletics than Harvard. Yesterday they knocked off the second seeded Kansas Jayhawks, while holding Andrew Wiggins to four points.

Hopefully, this is the game NBA executives remember when they're over-drafting Doug McDermott and Julius Randle, thus letting Wiggins slide to my Boston Celtics around picks 5-7.

While I'm daring to dream, perhaps the NBA will give Joel Embiid the Jared Sullinger treatment with regards to his back problems; letting him fall to our late first round pick via Brooklyn. Be still, my beating heart.

Connecticut: In case the Jim Boeheim critique didn't tip you off, the Huskies are my team. MUSH, HUSKIES, MUSH!!!!

Those who think Connecticut is just Shabazz Napier and friends and have another thing coming, namely this.


5. Here is my obligatory shot at the NCAA.

The NCAA is a corrupt and borderline criminal organization. It's only regulatory principle is 'out of sight, out of mind.' It operates in naked defiance of the 13th Amendment.

That said, the problems of minor-league basketball are minor indeed. Let the games continue.


6. The players who wear t-shirts under their jerseys need to stop.

I don't know why they do it, but I assume it's because they are afraid to show their underdeveloped musculature to a national audience.

Whatever the reason, it looks lame. Puny or not, those pythons need to breathe.  

Worse still, they're making fashion victims out of the pros.

This year the NBA and Adidas have rolled out horrendous sleeved jerseys that take inspiration from the t-shirt look.

They even make LeBron James looks like a rec-leaguer.







 

The Crimean Situation: A House of Cards-based model

Add up all your billions together and you get the GDP of Slovakia. I have the Federal Government of the United States of America. Your money doesn't intimidate me. The most that you can buy is influence; but I wield Constitutional authority.  -Frank Underwood

Though President Underwood spoke these words with regards to a fictional power struggle between himself and a billionaire energy magnate Raymond Tusk; they go a long way in explaining Russia's real takeover of the Crimean peninsula.

As a Western observer, the most frustrating aspect has been the global community's lack of recourse in dealing with naked aggression so close to the NATO homeland. No one will go to war over the Crimea, and Vladimir Putin knows it.

As an alternative, mild sanctions have been put in place, with more severe ones possible. In other words, Crimea has been snatched without consequences. In this matter, the West has no leverage over Putin, in the same way that Raymond Tusk's control over the White House was illusory.

All this has been obvious from the outset. However, the more I think about this, the more the House of Cards analogy fits. 

Economic and diplomatic sanctions mean little to either Underwood or Putin. These are just the tolls to pay on the Road to Greatness. As an unelected President and an 'elected' President, they aren't accountable to any business leaders, political allies, or even common people who bear the brunt of retaliation.

In our jaded political culture, we often think that money is equivalent to power, but Putin/Underwood remind us that it only buys influence. The West can freeze assets. It can make life (relatively) difficult for wealthy and connected Russians. That doesn't change the fact that Putin has a government and an army, along with the authority to lead them.

It's clear where he is taking his cues. It may seem that the Crimean invasion came on the heels of Ukrainian political turmoil. However, that obscures the more relevant event. It came less than a month after House of Cards Season 2 was released.

The Crisis of Conservation in Reality Television

Since it debuted in early 2012, Ink Master has been my favorite reality TV show. For those of you who don't (but should!) watch it, Ink Master is a competition in which tattoo artists compete by plying their trade on volunteer canvases. Their work is then judged by industry notables Oliver Peck and Chris Nunez, as well as collector and impresario Dave Navarro.

On Tuesday, the show will air the third episode of its fourth season. This means that by the end of the spring, Ink Master will have churned through 57 contestants in less than two and half years.

This production schedule is undermining the show. Though it's early, this season's field looks weak. The judges have declined to name a winner in either of the first two elimination challenges. The most recent episode ended with a contestant quitting after an emotional breakdown.

After Season 2, the viewers voted Katherine 'Tatu Baby' Flores to return for Season 3. A mercurial genius of deep imagination but erratic application; she rode her second chance to a third place finish. Though the judges gave the title of Ink Master to the consistent, workman-like Joey Hamilton, Tatu Baby won America's Heart twice over.

This season's fan favorite is the solid, but unremarkable Kyle Dunbar. Given his listed experience of 20 years, he is probably past his window to reach Ink Mastery.

All of this is to say that Spike has failed to conserve the Ink Master population. By spacing out the seasons, the network would allow the population of viable contestants to regenerate. Instead, they are left with a middling, underdeveloped crop of hotheads who don't live up to the legacy of Tommy Helm (who currently stars on Tattoo Nightmares), or Steve Tefft (the Season 2 winner, who's finale piece is a great example of Connecticut craftsmanship, which is why I'm including it below).

The more intelligent model is that of Top Chef. Although food service has a large enough talent pool to justify 11 seasons since 2006, the producers have mixed in five seasons of Top Chef Masters and two seasons of Top Chef: Just Desserts. Rotating these spin-offs keeps the flagship program's contestant cupboard well-stocked. In addition, it keeps the producers from running out of desirable host cities. No one wants to see a bunch of talentless fry-cooks gutting out a Doritos challenge on Top Chef: Cleveland.

Actually... Wait, they have that! It's called Hell's Kitchen.