Some Suggestions on Refining the Gourmet Chicken Wing Dinner

It recently came to my attention that Hooters still offers its 'Gourmet Chicken Wing Dinner,' which consists of 20 wings in your choice of sauce along with a bottle of Dom Perignon.

For sure, this meal is in line with the chain's semi-official slogan of 'delightfully tacky, yet unrefined,' but Hooters is the wrong place for this meal concept. Though they go for cheap laughs by pairing expensive champagne with greasy wings, they have stumbled upon a tremendous concept which needs to be taken to the next level.

The dish is clever because it juxtaposes something we regard as high-class with low-brow indulgences. The problem is that Hooters just isn't risque anymore. It might have been an edgy concept during the Reagan Administration, but at this point, it's a tame experience. A Vegas topless bar is the ideal setting.

Next, we need to fine tune the meal itself. Hooters wings are awful and must be replaced with a better recipe. Due to space, this recipe will have to wait for another post. However they are prepared, they should be served with fresh organic celery and carrots, along with a slice of bleu d'auvergnet.

The champagne pairs well with wings due to it's palate cleansing effects, so there's no need to make a change there. However, the menu should be more specific about the wine's vintage.

Here is how I would write the menu entry:

The Gourmet Chicken Wing Dinner: Twenty chicken wings, deep fried and served in a sauce of cayenne aged in vinegar and clarified butter, with organic celery, carrots, and 3 months aged bleu d'auvergne. Paired with Dom Perignon Oenotheque 1996.      MP

Now we know what we're getting. Better still, we've taken the concept to its logical end. Instead of serving bad wings in a gritty chain, we're serving great wings in a place where the women actually get naked. We've taken care to select the right wine, only so it can get boob sweat in it. Our dichotomy between crass and class is fully defined, and the Gourmet Chicken Wing Dinner can take it's place as an American classic.

Bon appetite, bro!