Decision 2016: The Drinking Game

It's just about settled. The 2016 general election will be Donald Trump vs. Hillary Clinton. Talk about being stuck between a douce and a turd sandwich.

To wipe away that dirty feeling you'll have on election day, I've devised a Decision 2016 drinking game. The rules:

Divide all participants into two equal teams. One team is Team Trump. The other is Team Clinton. Each candidate has a list of foolish but likely actions, with a shot value assigned to each. On election day, after both teams have cast their votes, they will gather together and do the number of shots their candidate accrued.

Who wins?... It doesn't really matter. Just like the real election.

Team Trump:

- Promises to build a wall to protect America from Puerto Rico. (1 shot)

- Refers to German Chancellor Angela Merkel as a 'that old Kraut Broad.' (2 shots)

- Softens his stance on immigration by proposing a new, streamlined path to permanent residency for hot chicks. (3 shots)

- Announces his goal for the first 100 days: Breaking ground on Yosemite National Golf Club and Resort. (4 shots)

- Admits his hair is actually an ectoparastic fungus. (5 shots)



Team Clinton:

- Does several Rust Belt appearances in a Carhartt jacket with the price tag still hanging out. (1 shot)

- In order to associate herself with popular Democratic administration, she has an affair with Bill Clinton. (2 shots)

- The FBI investigation of her private servers clears her of wrongdoing as Secretary of State, but strongly implicates her in the Kennedy Assassination. (3 shots)

- Tries to sound like a tough, calculating executive by quoting The Art of the Deal by Donald J. Trump. (4 shots)

- For her running mate, she seeks a bold female voice who can balance the ticket in blue-collar swing states. Ends up with Sarah Palin. (5 shots)