Skittlebrau: My Contribution to Simpsonology

As we press forward into a brave new year, my first 2015 post will ground us in the best of what has come before.

November 9, 1997 was the original air date for Bart Star, an episode of The Simpsons detailing Homer and Bart's misadventures in youth football (with the help of guest star Joe Namath). A classic, but if nothing else, you remember the episode for this scene.

Back in the show's heyday, these thunderclaps of inspiration were common. Now, in a world where Sleepy Hollow gets picked up for a second season, we are left to cherish them like the last berries of a golden summer.


To pay tribute, I recreated Skittlebrau. For the beer, I chose Hofbrau Munchen for it's crisp grain-driven flavor. I was concerned that a hoppy or sugar heavy beer would clash with the industrial sweetness of the Skittles.

As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. The flavor from the Skittles doesn't leach into the beer. The candy also sinks, rather than floats. However, it does cause the beer to foam dramatically. Before I dropped the Skittles, the beer's head was just below the rim of the glass. Compare that to the picture below.

Amusing, but the most compelling discovery was the chaser that came from 'drinking' the Skittles at the bottom of the glass. For this reason, Skittles are better added to harsh hard liquor (cheap vodka!). Skittle Shots can be a fun, and gender-neutral substitute for syrupy liqueurs or frilly cocktails. 

 

 

 

That's Hipsterical! A Double Shot of Things You Need to Be Doing to Raise Your Pretentious Urban Game

It's a new year Psychoeuphorologists! Which means its time for new stupid trends. Reporting live from a coffee shop in North Brooklyn, here's a double shot of what's hot on the streets in 2014.

... And Nothing Else

AKA, your new sentence ender. Currently, this phrase is used by small Italian specialty purveyors to cap their ingredients lists. Here's an example:

Marinara Sauce: Tomatoes, Olive Oil, Onion, Garlic, Basil, Sea Salt... AND NOTHING ELSE!

Doesn't it just sound so all-natural that way?

Try this one out:

PRODUCT X: Sugar, Corn Syrup, Hydrogenated Palm Oil, Kernel Oil; Less than 2% of: Citric Acid, Tapioca Dextrin, Modified Corn Starch, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Colors (Red 40 Lake, Titanium Dioxide, Blue 2 Lake, Red 40, Blue 1, Blue 1 Lake, Yellow 5 Lake, Yellow 5, Yellow 6, Yellow 6 Lake), Sodium Citrate, Carnauba Wax... AND NOTHING ELSE!

When properly punctuated, Product X is probably some molecular gastronomic masterpiece invented at El Bulli.

It's not. It's Skittles!

This year use ...And Nothing Else in place of a period (e.g. I think Junior's cheesecake is overrated ...And Nothing Else!). Others may find it smug and off-putting, but that's because they can't hang with your artisanal values.

Your New Sports team... the 1969 New York Mets!

Remember the Miracle Mets? Remember Tom Seaver winning 25 games, Nolan Ryan's first quality season, and Donn Clendenon's World Series MVP?

Probably not.

It doesn't matter. In hipsterology, sports loyalties are as trend-driven as anything else. Futbol was cool in 2010, during the only World Cup the United States somewhat paid attention to. Unfortunately, cheering on your favorite third-world team is passe this time around.

This year, vintage Mets gear is all the rage. Outer-borough hipsters love Citi Field's relative accessibility and affordability. Unlike Shea Stadium, it's also a nice place to take in a game.

Now is the time to outfit with vintage-style team gear like this shirt from mlb.com. Then, when, the season comes, you can fashionably miss the games to watch old Doc Gooden videos and cry yourself to sleep.