Good morning from Minot, North Dakota.
If you're a fan of Mutually Assured Destruction, you know it for Minot Air Force Base, home of the 91st Missile Wing of the USAF, which is charged with keeping the world in the crosshairs of our Minutemen III ICBMs.
But if you're a petrochemical enthusiast, you know it as the great metropolis of the Bakken Oil Shale, which has only recently begun yielding oil and natural gas thanks to the wonders of hydrofracking.
It's the second reason that brought me here. Sort of.
The oil boom in Western North Dakota has put a strain on the region's infrastructure in every regard. My purpose here is to take a look at investments in housing for the booming population to see if they make sense for me; a slick talking Easterner who can't slick talk his way around the high prices and weak returns of the Northeastern real estate markets.
So far it looks promising. Conservative estimates suggest at least 30 years of hydrocarbon extraction, and the short construction season makes it hard to saturate the demand-heavy housing market in a timely way. As developers build cheap, fast, and low-density, housing prices should remain high (comparable to Manhattan for renters!) for the forseeable future.
My first impressions are mostly pleasant. I thought I was coming to the asshole of the world. I read Son of the Morning Star, and I was expecting horseflies the size of my fist, dust-storms, and suffocating heat. In the words of the USAF fact sheet, "Yes, it can get cold in the winter, but it also gets very warm during the summer." I've lucked out though. The forecast for my trip is sunny and 80 degrees.
Having lived in the Midwest, this place seems like Illinois, but more so. It's flatter, the people are nicer, and the service is slower, as I learned trying to get a cab from the airport.
The main street of Minot is Broadway. Driving it end to end tells you most of what you need to know about the people of this city:
1. Their favorite pastime is Lutheranism.
2. The principle form of nightlife is the Lounge Casino (more on that in a bit).
3. Minot is known as the Magic City.
4. Most fast food places are open 24 hours.
Last night, I acquainted myself with the lounge casino concept by completing the Dirty Old Man Triple Crown:
1. I went bowling alone, and rolled a 74!.
2. Hung out alone in an bar, where even the bartenders won't talk to me. It's owned by a Yankees fan. Being from Minot, he could go with any MLB team he wanted. He choose the one with the most tacky framed merchandise.
3. I played $1 blackjack, sponsored by the Minot Junior Golf Association. The chips feature a cartoon mouse holding a flag that says 'Wee Links.' The dealers wear a shirt with the same emblem.
... all at the same establishment.
In future installments, you'll hear all about my adventures in the Upper Plains, such as: tackling the Faulkneresque social structures of rural North Dakota, saving Dacotah culture, winning back my dollar blackjack losses, and reviewing the best Buffalo Steaks in Ward County.
It's all here in the Psychoeuphorology Today Wild West Road Show!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
I Should Have Gone into Tech, and Other Observations on the Tumblr Buyout
One of this summer's biggest business news items is Yahoo's recent $1 billion buyout of Tumblr. In theory, the rationale is sound. Yahoo needs to shed it's image as a doddering relic of the Clinton Administration, and Tumblr is going broke. Still $1 billion is steep, especially considering that 3/4 of that is being accounted for as "goodwill."
The Tumblr brand has value, but... really... $750 million for a few missing vowels?
Sounds like Web 1.0 all over again.
What I mean is that change is provoking older companies to react out of fear.
My favorite example from the Pets.com era was a company called Razorfish. It was founded by Craig Kanarick and Jeff Dachis in 1995, as a web-development services company based in Manhattan. They built solid websites, but so did lots of companies, even then.
The real secret to Razorfish lay in its swaggering corporate culture. Kanarick and Dachis were classic arrogant hipsters. Their condescending manner towards clients was legendary, as was Dachis' mastery of empty buzzwords.
They didn't build websites, they asked you to recontextualize your business.
And in the glory years, there were plenty of clients who wanted to recontextualize. In times of change, overpriced "experts" make hay. Executives who feared and misunderstood the internet could pick up a phone, write a check, and be talked down to by a 26 year-old with blue hair. Nothing could be more reassuring.
Razorfish still exists, but it's a shell of its former self, and the founders moved on over a decade ago.
At its height, it was an overvalued company which profited off fear, rather than what it really brought to the table.
In 2013, Yahoo is behaving like a Razorfish client. The Tumblr deal reflects an old company panicking in order to keep up with competitors. It's a deal in line with the strategy the company has pursed since hiring 38 year-old former Google executive Marissa Mayer as its CEO. To her credit, Mayer has done what she was brought in to do: Make Yahoo.com function more like Google.
But casting yourself as a cheap imitation of a competitor is a tough way to get ahead. Tumblr is a sensible addition to Yahoo's portfolio of services, but paying $1 billion for a company whose value is mostly ephemeral is absurd. Given her experience, Mayer should have known better than to make a classic Web 1.0 mistake.
The Tumblr brand has value, but... really... $750 million for a few missing vowels?
Sounds like Web 1.0 all over again.
What I mean is that change is provoking older companies to react out of fear.
My favorite example from the Pets.com era was a company called Razorfish. It was founded by Craig Kanarick and Jeff Dachis in 1995, as a web-development services company based in Manhattan. They built solid websites, but so did lots of companies, even then.
The real secret to Razorfish lay in its swaggering corporate culture. Kanarick and Dachis were classic arrogant hipsters. Their condescending manner towards clients was legendary, as was Dachis' mastery of empty buzzwords.
They didn't build websites, they asked you to recontextualize your business.
And in the glory years, there were plenty of clients who wanted to recontextualize. In times of change, overpriced "experts" make hay. Executives who feared and misunderstood the internet could pick up a phone, write a check, and be talked down to by a 26 year-old with blue hair. Nothing could be more reassuring.
Razorfish still exists, but it's a shell of its former self, and the founders moved on over a decade ago.
At its height, it was an overvalued company which profited off fear, rather than what it really brought to the table.
In 2013, Yahoo is behaving like a Razorfish client. The Tumblr deal reflects an old company panicking in order to keep up with competitors. It's a deal in line with the strategy the company has pursed since hiring 38 year-old former Google executive Marissa Mayer as its CEO. To her credit, Mayer has done what she was brought in to do: Make Yahoo.com function more like Google.
But casting yourself as a cheap imitation of a competitor is a tough way to get ahead. Tumblr is a sensible addition to Yahoo's portfolio of services, but paying $1 billion for a company whose value is mostly ephemeral is absurd. Given her experience, Mayer should have known better than to make a classic Web 1.0 mistake.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
A Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular
Those of you who caught my Six-Pack of Thoughts on Orange is the New Black are familiar with my apocalyptic hypothesis in which all intellectual properties will be conformed to the cultural geometry of the beer industry. If you missed it, you can catch up here.
On reflection, I realize this notion was frivolous and absurd. Liquor brands will also be fighting for cultural dominance. To make up for this oversight, here is a Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular, brought to you by (Your Brand Here!).
A Word to Be Dropped: Genius
Like the typewriter, the magazine, and the live action game of solitaire, the word 'genius' has been run over by digital millennium and left for dead.
Once defined as "A person with transcendent mental superiority" (Merriam-Webster), the word has become overused to the point of meaningless. Here are few types of people who qualify under the current standards of genius:
- Two-bit computer hackers (e.g. your Nigerian princes)
- Unsuccessful singer-songwriters
- Anyone who gives a TED Talk, no matter how self-indulgent and inane
- Guys who make small-batch pickles
- Any Supreme Court nominee you happen to agree with on hot-button issues
I think it's time to acknowledge that the term is debased. There are still people of transcendent mental superiority, but their work mostly happens outside of public consciousness. How then are we to refer to those who solve the Hodge Conjecture, write the Great American Novel in 80,000 words or less, or fix Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics? The answer must wait for another Double Shot.
A Word to Be Added: Ridiculize
This one was invented by a French friend of mine. Unsatisfied with the current function and aesthetics of our vocabulary, she has set about introducing new words to bring it up to code. Not since William the Conqueror has a Gallic invader had such impact on the English language.
'Ridiculize' has been one of her most popular reforms. It's a transitive verb, often used reflexively and means, "to render absurd, irrelevant, or insignificant."
Here's a passage designed to give you all a feel for the word.
Even after new revelations of sexual misconduct have further ridiculized him, Anthony Weiner remains in the New York Mayoral Race. On first glance, his campaign seems little more than a ridiculized sideshow. However, even after this latest sexting scandal, he is still in fourth-place heading into the Democratic primary.
The latest polls show him only 11% behind Christine Quinn, who commands about 1/4 of the party's support. Quinn's track record of empty histrionics and blatant pandering have ridiculized her such that the race is wide open.
Since the time of Stuyvesant, New Yorkers have preferred blustering autocrats as their chief executive. Though his imperious personality and 80's movie villain looks may ridiculize him in other municipalities, New Yorkers still love the Big Weiner.
Ah... le mot juste!
On reflection, I realize this notion was frivolous and absurd. Liquor brands will also be fighting for cultural dominance. To make up for this oversight, here is a Double Shot of Revisions to the American English Vernacular, brought to you by (Your Brand Here!).
A Word to Be Dropped: Genius
Like the typewriter, the magazine, and the live action game of solitaire, the word 'genius' has been run over by digital millennium and left for dead.
Once defined as "A person with transcendent mental superiority" (Merriam-Webster), the word has become overused to the point of meaningless. Here are few types of people who qualify under the current standards of genius:
- Two-bit computer hackers (e.g. your Nigerian princes)
- Unsuccessful singer-songwriters
- Anyone who gives a TED Talk, no matter how self-indulgent and inane
- Guys who make small-batch pickles
- Any Supreme Court nominee you happen to agree with on hot-button issues
I think it's time to acknowledge that the term is debased. There are still people of transcendent mental superiority, but their work mostly happens outside of public consciousness. How then are we to refer to those who solve the Hodge Conjecture, write the Great American Novel in 80,000 words or less, or fix Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics? The answer must wait for another Double Shot.
A Word to Be Added: Ridiculize
This one was invented by a French friend of mine. Unsatisfied with the current function and aesthetics of our vocabulary, she has set about introducing new words to bring it up to code. Not since William the Conqueror has a Gallic invader had such impact on the English language.
'Ridiculize' has been one of her most popular reforms. It's a transitive verb, often used reflexively and means, "to render absurd, irrelevant, or insignificant."
Here's a passage designed to give you all a feel for the word.
Even after new revelations of sexual misconduct have further ridiculized him, Anthony Weiner remains in the New York Mayoral Race. On first glance, his campaign seems little more than a ridiculized sideshow. However, even after this latest sexting scandal, he is still in fourth-place heading into the Democratic primary.
The latest polls show him only 11% behind Christine Quinn, who commands about 1/4 of the party's support. Quinn's track record of empty histrionics and blatant pandering have ridiculized her such that the race is wide open.
Since the time of Stuyvesant, New Yorkers have preferred blustering autocrats as their chief executive. Though his imperious personality and 80's movie villain looks may ridiculize him in other municipalities, New Yorkers still love the Big Weiner.
Ah... le mot juste!
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
A Six-Pack of Thoughts on Orange is the New Black
Apocalyptic Scenario: In the future, as traditional media apparati continue to be undermined by the abundance of free cat videos, amateur pornography, and crackpot social philosophy, professional writers, performers, and thinkers will be need a new way to be seen and heard. Like late-Romans fleeing to the protection of large landowners as a last resort against the violence and chaos of imperial decline, so will our great men and women of culture lean on the stability of beer sponsors to provide what production companies and publishers cannot.
In this new feudal context, the six-pack will become the base unit of intellectual life. At Psychoeuphorology Today, we're not waiting around. To kick things off, here is a six-pack of thoughts on another new media bellwether, Netflix's original series Oragne is the New Black.
1. This show is a nice bounce back from Jenji Kohan.
Weeds was a strong show in its first few seasons, but declined after the burning of Agrestic. The erratic and ridiculous plot lines had a lot to do with this, but the creative vision of Jenji Kohan played it's part. The characters she created were too static to transcend the show's initial premise. Though initially compelling, the lack of character development and formulaic plot arcs gave the show a Scooby Doo like feel, but without the jangle-pop chase songs.
Orange is the New Black avoids this problem, in that it is limited by our heroine's prison term. The plot arc is preset by the true story on which it's based. I expect this show to run for a tidy, well-received two seasons that will leave its audience satisfied, and not wanting more.
2. The Netflix production model really works
Given the size and scope of their operations, TV networks are forced to manage the risks of original progamming in the traditional ways, namely, overpaying stars, rehashing successful show formats, and casting a wide audience net. These production techniques make for an expensive and unreliable insurance policy, as shows meant to appeal to everyone often end up pleasing no one.
Netflix's is a subscription service which allows users to pick their content. Because of this, it can defer risk using the opposite approach of lowering costs and green-lighting projects with more defined appeal. The biggest stars in ONB are that chick from That 70's Show (not Mila Kunis, the other one), and Jason Biggs. Good writing is cheap, good acting is expensive. Netflix may have shelled out for Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, but expect them to make low-budget projects the backbone of their production efforts.
3. Speaking of J-Biggs...
Biggs bring his mastery of the mindset and mannerisms of the Upper-Middle class Jewish male to a dramatic context, as the protagonist's faithful but conflicted finacee.
Though leaning on his usual bag of character acting tricks, Biggs brings maturity and perspective to his role. Like a fine wine, the kid from American Pie becomes more nuanced with age, while retaining his basic nature. On the whole this is his best work since Saving Silverman.
4. For a Based-on-a-True-Story Prison Show, This One Was Kinda Fun
The most compelling aspect of the show is the mix of prison grit with lighthearted elements. The prison is based on the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, CT; which is the low-security Federal prison where the real Piper Kerman served her time.
The violence in ONB is a far cry from the naked brutality of a show like Oz. The diversity of the inmate population at times gives the show an odd-couple flavor as the hardcore lesbians, softer-core lesbians, Hispanic moms, kitchen workers, Christian fundamentalists, etc. work through there uneasy coexistence.
Though there is violence, there are also charming moments, such as when a guard attempts to portray our sweet-hearted, lotion-making heroine as a stone-cold rapist to a group of Scared Straight teens. Prison shows are typically grim. This one is more of a black-comedy.
5. You've Got Tiiiiiiiiimmmmeeeee!
Each episode is kicked off by, "You've Got Time," which was written and recorded by Regina Spektor to serve as the show's title theme. Title scenes are an under-appreciated part of TV Magic, but when done right, they add context and counterpoint to the show. The best recent example is the pulsing, animated devolution which opens up Mad Men.
"You've Got Time" emphasizes the primal frustration that underpins the monotony of minimum-security prison life. It takes on new meaning as each episode bleeds into the next over a marathon viewing.
Going back to point #2, I think we'll see more theme songs from high-profile musicians. Commissioning a few quality verses is cheap compared to hiring Charlie Sheen, and it improves the show's quality while bringing in that artist's fan base.
6. I Think It's Obvious What Comes Next...
You may remember that in the 1970's, it was common practice to produce one-off specials in which different shows (usually animated) 'meet' each other. The most famous was The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons.
In ONB, the kitchen is a center of inmate life. It performs a vital function as it's staff work with substandard tools and ingredients to feed a crowd. In the process, pride is wounded, power is brokered, and the peace hangs on a thread. In other words, it's perfect for...
Season 2 Episode 1: Orange is the New Black Meets Top Chef
The Top Chefs are faced with their toughest challenge yet, as they are taken to a real prison cafeteria where they must use the equipment and ingredients provided to create a gourmet meal for hundreds of inmates. Things get bloody when some of the mouthier contestants mix it up with some of the mouthier inmates. The episode takes a delicious turn when Padma and Piper are caught naked in the shower enjoying a whole different kind of lunch.
I'll pick up my Emmy whenever it's convenient.
In this new feudal context, the six-pack will become the base unit of intellectual life. At Psychoeuphorology Today, we're not waiting around. To kick things off, here is a six-pack of thoughts on another new media bellwether, Netflix's original series Oragne is the New Black.
1. This show is a nice bounce back from Jenji Kohan.
Weeds was a strong show in its first few seasons, but declined after the burning of Agrestic. The erratic and ridiculous plot lines had a lot to do with this, but the creative vision of Jenji Kohan played it's part. The characters she created were too static to transcend the show's initial premise. Though initially compelling, the lack of character development and formulaic plot arcs gave the show a Scooby Doo like feel, but without the jangle-pop chase songs.
Orange is the New Black avoids this problem, in that it is limited by our heroine's prison term. The plot arc is preset by the true story on which it's based. I expect this show to run for a tidy, well-received two seasons that will leave its audience satisfied, and not wanting more.
2. The Netflix production model really works
Given the size and scope of their operations, TV networks are forced to manage the risks of original progamming in the traditional ways, namely, overpaying stars, rehashing successful show formats, and casting a wide audience net. These production techniques make for an expensive and unreliable insurance policy, as shows meant to appeal to everyone often end up pleasing no one.
Netflix's is a subscription service which allows users to pick their content. Because of this, it can defer risk using the opposite approach of lowering costs and green-lighting projects with more defined appeal. The biggest stars in ONB are that chick from That 70's Show (not Mila Kunis, the other one), and Jason Biggs. Good writing is cheap, good acting is expensive. Netflix may have shelled out for Kevin Spacey in House of Cards, but expect them to make low-budget projects the backbone of their production efforts.
3. Speaking of J-Biggs...
Biggs bring his mastery of the mindset and mannerisms of the Upper-Middle class Jewish male to a dramatic context, as the protagonist's faithful but conflicted finacee.
Though leaning on his usual bag of character acting tricks, Biggs brings maturity and perspective to his role. Like a fine wine, the kid from American Pie becomes more nuanced with age, while retaining his basic nature. On the whole this is his best work since Saving Silverman.
4. For a Based-on-a-True-Story Prison Show, This One Was Kinda Fun
The most compelling aspect of the show is the mix of prison grit with lighthearted elements. The prison is based on the Federal Correctional Institution in Danbury, CT; which is the low-security Federal prison where the real Piper Kerman served her time.
The violence in ONB is a far cry from the naked brutality of a show like Oz. The diversity of the inmate population at times gives the show an odd-couple flavor as the hardcore lesbians, softer-core lesbians, Hispanic moms, kitchen workers, Christian fundamentalists, etc. work through there uneasy coexistence.
Though there is violence, there are also charming moments, such as when a guard attempts to portray our sweet-hearted, lotion-making heroine as a stone-cold rapist to a group of Scared Straight teens. Prison shows are typically grim. This one is more of a black-comedy.
5. You've Got Tiiiiiiiiimmmmeeeee!
Each episode is kicked off by, "You've Got Time," which was written and recorded by Regina Spektor to serve as the show's title theme. Title scenes are an under-appreciated part of TV Magic, but when done right, they add context and counterpoint to the show. The best recent example is the pulsing, animated devolution which opens up Mad Men.
"You've Got Time" emphasizes the primal frustration that underpins the monotony of minimum-security prison life. It takes on new meaning as each episode bleeds into the next over a marathon viewing.
Going back to point #2, I think we'll see more theme songs from high-profile musicians. Commissioning a few quality verses is cheap compared to hiring Charlie Sheen, and it improves the show's quality while bringing in that artist's fan base.
6. I Think It's Obvious What Comes Next...
You may remember that in the 1970's, it was common practice to produce one-off specials in which different shows (usually animated) 'meet' each other. The most famous was The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons.
In ONB, the kitchen is a center of inmate life. It performs a vital function as it's staff work with substandard tools and ingredients to feed a crowd. In the process, pride is wounded, power is brokered, and the peace hangs on a thread. In other words, it's perfect for...
Season 2 Episode 1: Orange is the New Black Meets Top Chef
The Top Chefs are faced with their toughest challenge yet, as they are taken to a real prison cafeteria where they must use the equipment and ingredients provided to create a gourmet meal for hundreds of inmates. Things get bloody when some of the mouthier contestants mix it up with some of the mouthier inmates. The episode takes a delicious turn when Padma and Piper are caught naked in the shower enjoying a whole different kind of lunch.
I'll pick up my Emmy whenever it's convenient.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
From the Annals of Casual Stupidity: The Repossesor's 'Stang
No surprise that this anecdote comes for North Jersey, the Heartland of Casual Stupidity.
I was out to get groceries when I noticed a car parked in the Stop & Shop parking lot. It was a late model Ford Mustang convertible in candy apple red, with some weird black detailing.
What made it pop was the license plate: New Jersey, plate # REPOGUY.
I can only imagine the frustration a repossesee would feel seeing this car. Regardless of whether this was the man who took away their former stuff, their imagination would churn. What better way to lash out at a world so cruel than slash the tires of its swaggering ambassador? Perhaps it would do to key up that factory gloss?
It won't solve their problems, but for a broken down, hopeless individual looking for a last act of petty vengeance, the time would be right to smash the window of that glorified family sedan, hot wire that big V6, and drive it off a cliff.
That example may be extreme, but it's a real concern for a man who makes an extra trip to the DMV to get a license plate which flaunts his unpopular profession.
I guess that's why he was waiting in the driver's seat while his woman shopped.
I was out to get groceries when I noticed a car parked in the Stop & Shop parking lot. It was a late model Ford Mustang convertible in candy apple red, with some weird black detailing.
What made it pop was the license plate: New Jersey, plate # REPOGUY.
I can only imagine the frustration a repossesee would feel seeing this car. Regardless of whether this was the man who took away their former stuff, their imagination would churn. What better way to lash out at a world so cruel than slash the tires of its swaggering ambassador? Perhaps it would do to key up that factory gloss?
It won't solve their problems, but for a broken down, hopeless individual looking for a last act of petty vengeance, the time would be right to smash the window of that glorified family sedan, hot wire that big V6, and drive it off a cliff.
That example may be extreme, but it's a real concern for a man who makes an extra trip to the DMV to get a license plate which flaunts his unpopular profession.
I guess that's why he was waiting in the driver's seat while his woman shopped.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Aaron Hernandez is on Trial for 1st Degree Murder: Resetting the Pantheon of Connecticut Sports
If you haven't heard by now, former New England Patriots tight end and Bristol, CT's own, Aaron Hernandez will face charges for the first degree murder of friend and semi-pro linebacker Odin Lloyd. As a resident of small and overlooked state, it means a lot when a fellow Nutmegger makes it in professional sports, let alone establishes himself as a top-tier player.
Aaron Hernandez did this, winning a BCS Championship at the University of Florida, before becoming a devastating wild-card in New England's offense. Then, in the opinion of the Bristol County, MA District Attorney, he shot a man to death and left him in an industrial park.
Hernandez' football career ends with many what-if's. Human tragedies aside, he had a real chance to take his place amongst the greats of Constitution State sports.
His odds of going down as Connecticut's greatest football player were slim. The incumbent is former Greenwich High School quarterback Steve Young.
However, playing for the hometown team would have given him a leg up in making a run at the number two spot. Regardless, here is how the Pantheon of Connecticut Sports stands now:
Greatest Connecticut Athletes
Football:
1. Steve Young, QB, Greenwich
Don't try to label him as a Utah guy because of his birth certificate. The man endorses a line of dress shirts. He wears black leather driving gloves when covering cold weather games. When the Jets lost to the Texans on Monday Night Football this year, he described it as, "a cute little effort."
No doubt where you prepped, old sport.
2. Dwight Freeney, DE, Hartford
For many years, he was the lynchpin of an otherwise bad defensive team in Indianapolis. Regardless of how well he plays for San Diego, Freeney will go down as a mold-breaking pass rusher whose speed, technique, and leverage turned his lack of size into an advantage. His spin move alone is worthy of Hall of Fame consideration.
3. Andy Robustelli, DE, Stamford
A Hall of Fame defensive end for the Los Angeles Rams and the New York Giants. Like many DE's who played before the sack became an official statistic, he is not as well remembered as he deserves. Nonetheless, he was a 7-time First Team All-Pro selection and 2-time NFL Champion, who like Freeney, played bigger than his size.
4. Floyd Little, RB, New Haven
Another Hall of Famer from early days of televised football. His number don't seem impressive today, but when he retired after the 1975 season he was the 7th leading rusher in league history. Denver fans have a special attachment to him, as he was the first great player in Broncos history.
5. Eugene Robinson, FS, Hartford
His 57 interceptions made him one of the top ball hawks of the 1990's, the decade in which he made three Pro-Bowl and two All-Pro teams. He was a strong playoff performer during Green Bay's back-to-back Super Bowl appearances in 1997 and 1998. However, his career was tarnished during Super Bowl weekend 1999 as an Atlanta Falcon. Just hours after receiving the Bart Starr Award for 'high moral character,' he was arrested for soliciting prostitution. Though released from jail, the lack of sleep led to a miserable performance, including getting burned for an 80-yard touchdown by Rod Smith.
Baseball:
1. 'Orator' Jim O'Rourke, LF, Bridgeport
One of the great players of the 19th Century. A Yale graduate who moonlighted as a lawyer early in his career, O'Rourke's eloquence and erudition brought mainstream credibility to a game then viewed as a pastime for rough immigrants and seedy gamblers. He was known as a superior outfielder, and had a lifetime batting average of .311 in an era when the spitball and monkey testosterone were still legal.
2. Jeff Bagwell, 1B, Killingworth
An excellent all-around player, who cut his teeth playing Double A ball in New Britain. As a member of the Houston Astros, he won the 1994 NL MVP, and Bill James rates him as one the top first basemen of all time. Unusual for a power hitter of his era, there is no tangible evidence, or even serious rumor, that he used performance-enhancing drugs. A probable Hall of Famer whose support has grown on the last two ballots.
3. Roger Connor, 1B, Waterbury
Another Hall of Famer from the pre-(Spanish-American) War period. A .317 hitter who played most of his career with the New York Giants. His real claim to fame is as one of baseball's first great power hitters. Despite playing most of his home games at the cavernous Polo Grounds, he finished his career in 1897 with 138 home runs, a total no one would come close to until Babe Ruth. He is also fifth all-time in triples with 233, remarkable for a 6'3'' 200 lb first baseman. The kid could rake.
4. Mo Vaughn, 1B, Norwalk
The 1995 AL MVP, best known for his decade-long tenure as the face of the Boston Red Sox. He was an excellent hitter and a fan favorite during his career. However, strong evidence of steriod use precludes him from going higher on the list.
5. Matt Harvey, SP, New London
The coming man of Connecticut baseball, and the best hope to fill the void left by Aaron Hernandez. He is a hard-throwing right-hander for the Mets who has come on in 2013 as one of the National League's best starters. At 24, he still has room to improve, especially with his off-speed pitches. If he stays healthy and doesn't kill anyone, expect him to climb the Pantheon over the next decade.
Basketball:
1. Calvin Murphy, PG, Norwalk
At 5'9'', he hold the distinction of being the shortest player in the Basketball Hall of Fame. He played for the San Diego/Houston Rockets in the 1970's, and prior to Hakeem Olajuwon, was that franchise's leading scorer. He remains one of the best free-throw shooters ever.
2. Marcus Camby, C, Hartford
A dominant college player with UMass, Camby was selected 2nd overall in 1996 NBA draft. He went on to become one of the best defensive players of the last 15 years, making 4 All-Defensive Teams, leading the league in shot blocks 4 times, and winning the 2007 Defensive Player of the Year Award.
3. Rick Mahorn, PF, Hartford
Considered the Baddest of the Bad Boy Pistons, Mahorn's impact went beyond his box score. If enforcers received Hall of Fame consideration, he would be first ballot. His 1989 championship ring is probably consolation enough.
4. Andre Drummond, C, Hartford
By the time his career is over, he may be Number 1 on this list. He's an extremely talented center whose underwhelming season at UConn caused him to slide to Detroit at the 9th overall pick of the 2012 draft. Coming off the bench as a rookie, averaged 7.9 points on 60% shooting while providing steady rebounding and strong rim protection. Despite a free throw percentage even Shaq would laugh at (37%), he is coming on as one of the league's best young centers.
5. Vin Baker, PF, Old Saybrook
The best non-UConn college player in the state's history. After a standout run with the University of Hartford, he was drafted 8th overall by Milwaukee in 1993. In his prime, he was a 20-and-10, All-Star player. Unfortunately, he's mostly remembered for his late career stint with the Celtics, when he came to be known as 'the guy who showed up fat and drunk.'
Hockey:
1. Brian Leetch, Defenseman, Chesire
He is a Hall of Famer, and one of the best defenseman ever. He is also counted among the greatest Americans in the history of professional hockey. He won the Conn Smythe Trophy while leading the New York Rangers to a Stanley Cup in 1994. Mark Messier called him, "the greatest Ranger of all-time."
2. Jonathan Quick, Goaltender, Milford
He is one of the league's top current goaltenders. He anchored the Los Angeles Kings to the Stanley Cup in 2012, winning the Conn Smythe in the process. At age 27, the legend is only building for the aptly named goaltender.
3. Chris Drury, Center, Trumbull
Though never an All-Star, Chris Drury's leadership and strong play in big games made him a fan favorite throughout his 12-year career. He was a key player in the Colorado Avalanche's 2001 run to the Stanley Cup, and played for the US Olympic Team in 2006 and 2010 before retiring as Captain of the New York Rangers in 2011.
4. Craig Janney, Center, Hartford
Janney played 12 seasons in the NHL, and was a member of the 1988 US Olympic Team. He was known as an excellent passing center, and finished his career nearly averaging a point per game. While playing for St. Louis in 1994, it was discovered that teammate Brendan Shanahan was sleeping with his wife. The fallout ruined locker room chemistry, leading to the highlight of Janney's career, when the team decided he was more valuable than a future Hall of Famer. St. Louis kept him and traded Shanahan to the Hartford Whalers.
5. Max Pacioretty, Left Wing, New Canaan
Pacioretty is the rising star of Connecticut hockey, and currently plays for Montreal. Thus far, his career has been defined by his Masterson Trophy-winning comeback from a vertebra-fracturing hit suffered in 2011. Time will tell whether he can climb the list.
Miscellaneous:
1. Gene Sarazen, Golf, Brookfield
Though born in Harrison, New York, the Squire moved to Bridgeport at age 15, and lived most of his life in Brookfield. From his blue-collar, high school dropout background, he rose to become the finest tournament player from America's golfingest state. His resume includes the first modern grand slam (the Masters, US Open, British Open, and PGA Championship), as well as a novel process whereby he added solder to the bottom of a high-lofted club to create the first sand wedge. After his playing career, he became American golf's first great broadcaster as the host of Shell's Wonderful World of Golf.
2. Dorothy Hamill, Figure Skating, Greenwhich
A gold-medal winning figure skater and stagflation-era pop icon, Hamill is arguably Connecticut's most beloved athlete. Her '76 Olympic gold medal win over East Germany's Christine Errath was a shot in the arm to American national morale and the beginning of the end for communism. She pioneered a move called Hamill's Camel. I don't what it is, but I assume it's similar to the Iron Lotus. Her bobbed hair-style was trend setting, though the young Liz Lemon's of the time thought they were copying Pete Rose.
3. Bruce Jenner, Track and Field, Newtown
It seems strange to say this now, but Bruce Jenner used to be known for winning the decathlon at the 1972 Olympics, ending a run of Soviet dominance in the event. He broke new ground by cashing in on his fame through acting and product endorsement at a time when the IOCC's stance on amateurism discouraged most athletes from doing so. Bruce Jenner was a success on the field and off, before -like Aaron Hernandez- he fell in with a bad crowd...
Aaron Hernandez did this, winning a BCS Championship at the University of Florida, before becoming a devastating wild-card in New England's offense. Then, in the opinion of the Bristol County, MA District Attorney, he shot a man to death and left him in an industrial park.
Hernandez' football career ends with many what-if's. Human tragedies aside, he had a real chance to take his place amongst the greats of Constitution State sports.
His odds of going down as Connecticut's greatest football player were slim. The incumbent is former Greenwich High School quarterback Steve Young.
However, playing for the hometown team would have given him a leg up in making a run at the number two spot. Regardless, here is how the Pantheon of Connecticut Sports stands now:
Greatest Connecticut Athletes
Football:
1. Steve Young, QB, Greenwich
Don't try to label him as a Utah guy because of his birth certificate. The man endorses a line of dress shirts. He wears black leather driving gloves when covering cold weather games. When the Jets lost to the Texans on Monday Night Football this year, he described it as, "a cute little effort."
No doubt where you prepped, old sport.
2. Dwight Freeney, DE, Hartford
For many years, he was the lynchpin of an otherwise bad defensive team in Indianapolis. Regardless of how well he plays for San Diego, Freeney will go down as a mold-breaking pass rusher whose speed, technique, and leverage turned his lack of size into an advantage. His spin move alone is worthy of Hall of Fame consideration.
3. Andy Robustelli, DE, Stamford
A Hall of Fame defensive end for the Los Angeles Rams and the New York Giants. Like many DE's who played before the sack became an official statistic, he is not as well remembered as he deserves. Nonetheless, he was a 7-time First Team All-Pro selection and 2-time NFL Champion, who like Freeney, played bigger than his size.
4. Floyd Little, RB, New Haven
Another Hall of Famer from early days of televised football. His number don't seem impressive today, but when he retired after the 1975 season he was the 7th leading rusher in league history. Denver fans have a special attachment to him, as he was the first great player in Broncos history.
5. Eugene Robinson, FS, Hartford
His 57 interceptions made him one of the top ball hawks of the 1990's, the decade in which he made three Pro-Bowl and two All-Pro teams. He was a strong playoff performer during Green Bay's back-to-back Super Bowl appearances in 1997 and 1998. However, his career was tarnished during Super Bowl weekend 1999 as an Atlanta Falcon. Just hours after receiving the Bart Starr Award for 'high moral character,' he was arrested for soliciting prostitution. Though released from jail, the lack of sleep led to a miserable performance, including getting burned for an 80-yard touchdown by Rod Smith.
Baseball:
1. 'Orator' Jim O'Rourke, LF, Bridgeport
One of the great players of the 19th Century. A Yale graduate who moonlighted as a lawyer early in his career, O'Rourke's eloquence and erudition brought mainstream credibility to a game then viewed as a pastime for rough immigrants and seedy gamblers. He was known as a superior outfielder, and had a lifetime batting average of .311 in an era when the spitball and monkey testosterone were still legal.
2. Jeff Bagwell, 1B, Killingworth
An excellent all-around player, who cut his teeth playing Double A ball in New Britain. As a member of the Houston Astros, he won the 1994 NL MVP, and Bill James rates him as one the top first basemen of all time. Unusual for a power hitter of his era, there is no tangible evidence, or even serious rumor, that he used performance-enhancing drugs. A probable Hall of Famer whose support has grown on the last two ballots.
3. Roger Connor, 1B, Waterbury
Another Hall of Famer from the pre-(Spanish-American) War period. A .317 hitter who played most of his career with the New York Giants. His real claim to fame is as one of baseball's first great power hitters. Despite playing most of his home games at the cavernous Polo Grounds, he finished his career in 1897 with 138 home runs, a total no one would come close to until Babe Ruth. He is also fifth all-time in triples with 233, remarkable for a 6'3'' 200 lb first baseman. The kid could rake.
4. Mo Vaughn, 1B, Norwalk
The 1995 AL MVP, best known for his decade-long tenure as the face of the Boston Red Sox. He was an excellent hitter and a fan favorite during his career. However, strong evidence of steriod use precludes him from going higher on the list.
5. Matt Harvey, SP, New London
The coming man of Connecticut baseball, and the best hope to fill the void left by Aaron Hernandez. He is a hard-throwing right-hander for the Mets who has come on in 2013 as one of the National League's best starters. At 24, he still has room to improve, especially with his off-speed pitches. If he stays healthy and doesn't kill anyone, expect him to climb the Pantheon over the next decade.
Basketball:
1. Calvin Murphy, PG, Norwalk
At 5'9'', he hold the distinction of being the shortest player in the Basketball Hall of Fame. He played for the San Diego/Houston Rockets in the 1970's, and prior to Hakeem Olajuwon, was that franchise's leading scorer. He remains one of the best free-throw shooters ever.
2. Marcus Camby, C, Hartford
A dominant college player with UMass, Camby was selected 2nd overall in 1996 NBA draft. He went on to become one of the best defensive players of the last 15 years, making 4 All-Defensive Teams, leading the league in shot blocks 4 times, and winning the 2007 Defensive Player of the Year Award.
3. Rick Mahorn, PF, Hartford
Considered the Baddest of the Bad Boy Pistons, Mahorn's impact went beyond his box score. If enforcers received Hall of Fame consideration, he would be first ballot. His 1989 championship ring is probably consolation enough.
4. Andre Drummond, C, Hartford
By the time his career is over, he may be Number 1 on this list. He's an extremely talented center whose underwhelming season at UConn caused him to slide to Detroit at the 9th overall pick of the 2012 draft. Coming off the bench as a rookie, averaged 7.9 points on 60% shooting while providing steady rebounding and strong rim protection. Despite a free throw percentage even Shaq would laugh at (37%), he is coming on as one of the league's best young centers.
5. Vin Baker, PF, Old Saybrook
The best non-UConn college player in the state's history. After a standout run with the University of Hartford, he was drafted 8th overall by Milwaukee in 1993. In his prime, he was a 20-and-10, All-Star player. Unfortunately, he's mostly remembered for his late career stint with the Celtics, when he came to be known as 'the guy who showed up fat and drunk.'
Hockey:
1. Brian Leetch, Defenseman, Chesire
He is a Hall of Famer, and one of the best defenseman ever. He is also counted among the greatest Americans in the history of professional hockey. He won the Conn Smythe Trophy while leading the New York Rangers to a Stanley Cup in 1994. Mark Messier called him, "the greatest Ranger of all-time."
2. Jonathan Quick, Goaltender, Milford
He is one of the league's top current goaltenders. He anchored the Los Angeles Kings to the Stanley Cup in 2012, winning the Conn Smythe in the process. At age 27, the legend is only building for the aptly named goaltender.
3. Chris Drury, Center, Trumbull
Though never an All-Star, Chris Drury's leadership and strong play in big games made him a fan favorite throughout his 12-year career. He was a key player in the Colorado Avalanche's 2001 run to the Stanley Cup, and played for the US Olympic Team in 2006 and 2010 before retiring as Captain of the New York Rangers in 2011.
4. Craig Janney, Center, Hartford
Janney played 12 seasons in the NHL, and was a member of the 1988 US Olympic Team. He was known as an excellent passing center, and finished his career nearly averaging a point per game. While playing for St. Louis in 1994, it was discovered that teammate Brendan Shanahan was sleeping with his wife. The fallout ruined locker room chemistry, leading to the highlight of Janney's career, when the team decided he was more valuable than a future Hall of Famer. St. Louis kept him and traded Shanahan to the Hartford Whalers.
5. Max Pacioretty, Left Wing, New Canaan
Pacioretty is the rising star of Connecticut hockey, and currently plays for Montreal. Thus far, his career has been defined by his Masterson Trophy-winning comeback from a vertebra-fracturing hit suffered in 2011. Time will tell whether he can climb the list.
Miscellaneous:
1. Gene Sarazen, Golf, Brookfield
Though born in Harrison, New York, the Squire moved to Bridgeport at age 15, and lived most of his life in Brookfield. From his blue-collar, high school dropout background, he rose to become the finest tournament player from America's golfingest state. His resume includes the first modern grand slam (the Masters, US Open, British Open, and PGA Championship), as well as a novel process whereby he added solder to the bottom of a high-lofted club to create the first sand wedge. After his playing career, he became American golf's first great broadcaster as the host of Shell's Wonderful World of Golf.
2. Dorothy Hamill, Figure Skating, Greenwhich
A gold-medal winning figure skater and stagflation-era pop icon, Hamill is arguably Connecticut's most beloved athlete. Her '76 Olympic gold medal win over East Germany's Christine Errath was a shot in the arm to American national morale and the beginning of the end for communism. She pioneered a move called Hamill's Camel. I don't what it is, but I assume it's similar to the Iron Lotus. Her bobbed hair-style was trend setting, though the young Liz Lemon's of the time thought they were copying Pete Rose.
3. Bruce Jenner, Track and Field, Newtown
It seems strange to say this now, but Bruce Jenner used to be known for winning the decathlon at the 1972 Olympics, ending a run of Soviet dominance in the event. He broke new ground by cashing in on his fame through acting and product endorsement at a time when the IOCC's stance on amateurism discouraged most athletes from doing so. Bruce Jenner was a success on the field and off, before -like Aaron Hernandez- he fell in with a bad crowd...
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Phun in Philadelphia! A mini-travelouge
Philadelphia is strange city in several ways. First, if you're driving from New York, you can't enter the city using I-95, unless you insist on a complicated reroute. The best way is to exit the New Jersey Turnpike onto Route 30, which will take you through the Greater Camden Area before you get to the Ben Franklin Bridge. In this way, you have two sequential major cities on the Northeast Corridor with only a superficial interstate highway link.
Camden County's mix of tacky affluence and flamboyant poverty is guaranteed to set of all your knee-jerk Garden State prejudices. On Route 30 alone, one passes enormous shopping malls (technically it's a shopping campus), seedy motels districts, 'luxe loft waterfront rentals,' family-friendly pseudo-retro diners, and actual retro diners where people get whacked.
At night, it all carries a subtle, menacing aura; like the Jersey Devil lurks behind every sign-scarred storefront.
Route 30 is a trip unto itself, though I don't recommend you take it. The City of Camden is so broke it recently had to dissolve its police department, leaving County law enforcement overstretched.
Once you've crossed the Ben Franklin, there are few things to prioritize. First, get the touristy stuff out of the way. That means visiting Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and running up the Rocky steps. As a lifelong New Englander, seeing a bunch of stuff from the 18th century wasn't that novel, but I now I've been there and done that.
The story of America's past can be fascinating, but the most interesting thing you will learn is that Philadelphia is our nation's only major city where downtown parking is easy. Again, it's a strange place.
On to the main event. Here is my guide to the best Philly Cheesesteaks:
Psychoeuphorology Today's CHEESESTEAK POWER RANKINGS!
6th Place: Geno's Steaks: This joint's founder, Joe Vento, died in 2011, and though I prefer not to speak ill of the dead, he leaves me no choice. The first thing visitors will notice is that Mr. Vento turned his shop into a billboard for xenophobia ('I'm Mad as Hell! I Want my Country Back!; This is America, When Ordering SPEAK ENGLISH!). I feel insulted when retailers try to force politics on me.
The next thing you will notice is that ol' Joey left behind a culture of disrespectful and inattentive service. I know there are people who think this is a charming local quirk, but it's just wrong. Thirdly, you'll find your cheesesteak is just a cold white hoagie roll with a paltry amount of flavorless fillings.
Seating is outdoors, and condiments are provided.
I'll bet when Joe Vento died, I'll bet his soul was deported to Mexico.
2nd Place: Pat's King of Steaks: Right across the intersection from Geno's. The the people are less obnoxious. A decent cheesesteak, but pretty much what you would expect. It's griddled beef on a white hoagie roll with grilled peppers and onions (optional). Pick from provolone, american, or Cheez Wiz. Like Geno's seating is outdoors, and condiments are provided. Pat's is the original steak, though not the King. That honor belongs to...
1st Place: Dalessandro's Steaks and Hoagies: Friendly service, and a generous helping of chopped beef, with the fat properly drained. You have your choice of banana peppers, hot peppers, or sweet green peppers. I went with the hot peppers, and it was a good call. They are your basic spicy, vinegar-cured red peppers, crushed, and deposited as a base layer on the roll. I picked American cheese, and it was nicely melted throughout the sandwich. There's nothing exotic or difficult about the Philly cheesesteak, but details matter, and Dalessandro's nails them.
They offer a nice selection of beer as well as indoor and outdoor seating. They are just down the block from a public golf course, which makes it a nice place for a post-round lunch.
The problem is that Dalessandro's is in the Northwestern corner of the city, far from downtown, and inconvenient by public transit. It takes a little effort to get there, but if you want the city's best cheesesteak, this is where it's at.
Other notes on Philadelphia
Having finished lunch at Dalessandro's, I chose to take the local roads back to City Center. There are a few observations worth sharing:
-During the 19th Century, many of the northern suburbs of the city were incorporated into Philadelphia proper. As a result, much of the city's land area is very low rise, which is helpful for navigating relative to the downtown skyline.
-The Philadelphia area is home to a large Vietnamese population.
-Philadelphia has many bad drivers. Unlike New York or Boston-syle overaggressive jackasses; Philly's bad drivers tend to be spaced out and drift inattentively.
-The neighborhood bar in the middle of the block is going strong in Philadelphia. In most cities, zoning and economics have forced them into retail districts, or at least busy street corners. In Philadelphia, an operating bar in the middle of a residential side street is a common and charming throwback to the days when beer was difficult to distribute.
-The University of Pennsylvania has one of the nicest urban campuses I've yet seen.
-It's not always sunny in Philadephia. This is just another ignorant rumor of the mainstream media.
Camden County's mix of tacky affluence and flamboyant poverty is guaranteed to set of all your knee-jerk Garden State prejudices. On Route 30 alone, one passes enormous shopping malls (technically it's a shopping campus), seedy motels districts, 'luxe loft waterfront rentals,' family-friendly pseudo-retro diners, and actual retro diners where people get whacked.
At night, it all carries a subtle, menacing aura; like the Jersey Devil lurks behind every sign-scarred storefront.
Route 30 is a trip unto itself, though I don't recommend you take it. The City of Camden is so broke it recently had to dissolve its police department, leaving County law enforcement overstretched.
Once you've crossed the Ben Franklin, there are few things to prioritize. First, get the touristy stuff out of the way. That means visiting Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and running up the Rocky steps. As a lifelong New Englander, seeing a bunch of stuff from the 18th century wasn't that novel, but I now I've been there and done that.
The story of America's past can be fascinating, but the most interesting thing you will learn is that Philadelphia is our nation's only major city where downtown parking is easy. Again, it's a strange place.
On to the main event. Here is my guide to the best Philly Cheesesteaks:
Psychoeuphorology Today's CHEESESTEAK POWER RANKINGS!
6th Place: Geno's Steaks: This joint's founder, Joe Vento, died in 2011, and though I prefer not to speak ill of the dead, he leaves me no choice. The first thing visitors will notice is that Mr. Vento turned his shop into a billboard for xenophobia ('I'm Mad as Hell! I Want my Country Back!; This is America, When Ordering SPEAK ENGLISH!). I feel insulted when retailers try to force politics on me.
The next thing you will notice is that ol' Joey left behind a culture of disrespectful and inattentive service. I know there are people who think this is a charming local quirk, but it's just wrong. Thirdly, you'll find your cheesesteak is just a cold white hoagie roll with a paltry amount of flavorless fillings.
Seating is outdoors, and condiments are provided.
I'll bet when Joe Vento died, I'll bet his soul was deported to Mexico.
2nd Place: Pat's King of Steaks: Right across the intersection from Geno's. The the people are less obnoxious. A decent cheesesteak, but pretty much what you would expect. It's griddled beef on a white hoagie roll with grilled peppers and onions (optional). Pick from provolone, american, or Cheez Wiz. Like Geno's seating is outdoors, and condiments are provided. Pat's is the original steak, though not the King. That honor belongs to...
1st Place: Dalessandro's Steaks and Hoagies: Friendly service, and a generous helping of chopped beef, with the fat properly drained. You have your choice of banana peppers, hot peppers, or sweet green peppers. I went with the hot peppers, and it was a good call. They are your basic spicy, vinegar-cured red peppers, crushed, and deposited as a base layer on the roll. I picked American cheese, and it was nicely melted throughout the sandwich. There's nothing exotic or difficult about the Philly cheesesteak, but details matter, and Dalessandro's nails them.
They offer a nice selection of beer as well as indoor and outdoor seating. They are just down the block from a public golf course, which makes it a nice place for a post-round lunch.
The problem is that Dalessandro's is in the Northwestern corner of the city, far from downtown, and inconvenient by public transit. It takes a little effort to get there, but if you want the city's best cheesesteak, this is where it's at.
Other notes on Philadelphia
Having finished lunch at Dalessandro's, I chose to take the local roads back to City Center. There are a few observations worth sharing:
-During the 19th Century, many of the northern suburbs of the city were incorporated into Philadelphia proper. As a result, much of the city's land area is very low rise, which is helpful for navigating relative to the downtown skyline.
-The Philadelphia area is home to a large Vietnamese population.
-Philadelphia has many bad drivers. Unlike New York or Boston-syle overaggressive jackasses; Philly's bad drivers tend to be spaced out and drift inattentively.
-The neighborhood bar in the middle of the block is going strong in Philadelphia. In most cities, zoning and economics have forced them into retail districts, or at least busy street corners. In Philadelphia, an operating bar in the middle of a residential side street is a common and charming throwback to the days when beer was difficult to distribute.
-The University of Pennsylvania has one of the nicest urban campuses I've yet seen.
-It's not always sunny in Philadephia. This is just another ignorant rumor of the mainstream media.
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