There will be no real NFL news until training camps open. Now is the time for overblown predicions.
Any analysis of your team will end in one of two conclusions.
1) This is OUR FUCKING YEAR!
2) We're totally fucked.
How your team drafted is a big part of the assessment. Internet scouting reports provide a decent overview of a player's potential, but that's for managing the post-free agency hangover. Now is the time to get excited. For that, the best tool is a good old-fashioned YouTube highlight reel.
Let's break down some of my favorite reels and see what they say about the 2015 season.
Brandon Scherff, OT, Iowa. Drafted by 5th overall by the Washington Redskins
This video is great because it answers all the FAQ's that come with highly touted lineman.
Q: Yeah he's a bear, but can he move his fat ass?
A: Yes! This video emphasizes Scherff's movement in space. At 2:01 he pulls from inside the hash to the numbers, turns upfield, and then blocks his man into the parking lot. Great quickness, great feet, and great power. Few lineman are that devastating outside the tackle box.
Q: Plenty of kids can run block, but I'm paying (Franchise Quarterback X) $20 million this year! Is this guy gonna keep him on the field?
A: Sure. Check out the play at :59. Rather than committing to the defensive end, Scherff anticipates a blitz and stays patient. When the extra defender comes, Scherff squares him up and puts him on the ground.
Q: Some guys love football. Some guys don't. Which kind am I getting?
A: Did you watch that video? This kid is nasty as Possum Fuck. He lives to wreck people.
In spite of all this, some can't see beyond Scherff's listed height of 6' 5''. As we all know, shortish guys without pornographic combine numbers (like Joe Thomas) can't play tackle in the NFL. For this reason the 2015 Washington Redskins are TOTALLY FUCKED!
Vic Beasley, OLB, Clemson. Drafted 8th overall by the Atlanta Falcons
This video doesn't excite me. Vic Beasley is super-twitchy, but this reel makes me question his pro potential. All we see him do is speed-rush from the outside. He blows away whatever fat kid Directional State X throws at him, but without an inside move, better hand technique, and a few counters, he will top out as a situational player.
He reminds me of Bruce Irvin, who Seattle picked 15th overall in 2012. Great first step, high-motor, and 16.5 sacks through three seasons. That's not bad, but it's not the transformative impact expected of a high first-rounder.
For this reason the 2015 Atlanta Falcons are TOTALLY FUCKED!
Randy Gregory, DE, Nebraska. Drafted 60th overall by the Dallas Cowboys
This is more like it.
Inside. Outside. Playside. Backside. Defense. Special Teams. Run. Pass. This is bad-ass film.
Never mind that there are beefier edge players at your local middle school. Never mind that he may be mentally unstable and shares a locker room with Greg Hardy.
Randy Gregory can ball. He may go down as the greatest two first-name athlete since Ricky Bobby.
In light of this, 2015 is the Dallas Cowboy's FUCKING YEAR!
Malcolm Brown, DT, Texas. Drafted 32nd overall by the New England Patriots
Forget what you just saw. Malcolm Brown is a fine young man and a talented athlete. It doesn't matter.
I'm a New Englander and I know my people. The Puritan legacy lives on through our sporting culture. In our thinking, God is always punishing us. Always. When things are going well, this is an unnatural interlude which only leads to a greater fall.
Other fan bases think God hates them. Not true. They just suck. We are wicked and must be cut down. We may profess otherwise when we see Malcolm Brown blowing up lineman, but in our hearts we know that every move Bill Belichick makes is the one that will finally lead us down the road to oblivion.
This is a fine synopsis of the 2015 New England Patriots.
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